Charing Cross Theatre – until 11 January 2026
Reviewed by Claire Roderick
4****
It’s becoming a cosy Christmas tradition to sit back and bask in the cheerfully charming smut and queer nonsense of the latest adult panto from He’s Behind You! at Charing Cross Theatre. This year, writers Jon Bradfield and Martin Hooper turn their talents to Beauty and the Beast – A Horny Love Story. Set in the Scottish Highlands in the village of Lickmanochers, just down the road from Suckmacoch, twins Bertie and Bonnie (the wonderfully wide-eyed Matt Kennedy and Laura Anna-Mead) help their domineering mother Flora (Matthew Baldwin) run the petrol station/village shop. Virgin Bertie’s best friend is a seal, and he dreams of travelling to New Zealand to have a fun time studying and shagging, but how can he leave his mother? Bonnie would be happy just moving to Glasgow, but would her mother even notice?
25 years ago, a wandering antipodean fairy (Dani Mirels) enchanted Charlie (the booming Keanu Adolphus Johnson) to save him as he fought with his brother Cornelius (Chris Lane), transforming Charlie into a beast. Meanwhile Cornelius has been searching for their father’s will as he wants to keep his slimy mitts on daddy’s oil rig. As oil prices get too much for Flora to bear, she decides to find the will herself, leading to comic chaos involving a mysterious opera singer, a haunted castle, plums, slavery, scones, moustachioed oil rig workers, and true love shining through.
Bradfield and Hooper’s writing is inspired – filthy jokes scattered amongst daft puns and ridiculous physical comedy hit all the right notes and create a wonderfully warm atmosphere where all the traditional panto staples of sweet throwing, singalongs, ghost benches are embraced and subverted in style.
David Shields set is gleefully traditional, with mistimed set movements simply adding to the chaotic charm. Robert Draper’s costumes are wonderfully technicoloured, with Juno’s magical cape sporting Sydney Opera House shaped shoulder pads and Flora’s traditional Scottish costume being standouts. Jon Bradfield’s songs are hilarious pastiches – Be Our Guest becoming Be Our Slave and a fantastic In the Navy spoof on the pink oil rig with camp choreography by Carole Todd.
The cast are incredible. You never quite know if they are actually on script when Matthew Baldwin is on stage as his fabulous and dynamic dame Flora is so fast and sharp, jumping on any mishaps like a cat, making Ben Mabberley’s performance as her loyal foil even more impressive. Chris Lane is sublimely sneaky as villain Cornelius and Owen Arkrow and Olivia-Grace Weaver are an energetic ensemble. The silliness and tomfoolery are infectious, and the nostalgic warmth makes this one of the best Christmas shows in London – just leave the children at home!